Elinor Nauen

Wednesday, November 8th, 1893

Here I sit in the still winter night on the drifting ice-floe, and see only stars above me. Far off I see the threads of life twisting themselves into the intricate web which stretches unbroken from life's sweet morning dawn to the eternal death-stillness of ice. Thought follows thought—you pick the whole to pieces, and it seems so small—but high above all towers one form … Why did you take this voyage? … Could I do otherwise? Can the river arrest its course and run up hill? My plan has come to nothing. That palace of theory which I reared, in pride and self-confidence, high above all silly objections has fallen like a house of cards at the first breath of wind. Build up the most ingenious theories and you may be sure of one thing—that fact will defy them all. Was I so very sure? Yes, at times; but that was self-deception, intoxication. A secret doubt lurked behind all the reasoning. It seemed as though the longer I defended my theory, the nearer I came to doubting it. But no, there is not getting over the evidence of that Siberian drift-wood. But if, after all, we are on the wrong track, what then? Only disappointed human hopes, nothing more. And even if we perish, what will it matter in the endless cycles of eternity?
~ Fridtjof Nansen (1861-1930)

Farthest North: The Incredible Three-Year Voyage to the Frozen Latitudes of the North

Nansen was a Norwegian scientist, diplomat, Arctic explorer, & humanitarian, who received a Nobel Peace Prize for his work on behalf of refugees and people displaced by World War I. His "Nansen passport" for stateless persons was recognized by more than 50 countries.

I'm just back from the snowy stretches of Swedish Lapland and am choosing a Nansen quote today in order to keep feeling that lovely cold & seeing the miles of snowy firs & birches. 

Dog sled (didn't fall off) 
Ice buggy (egged on the staff kid, who tipped over; helped push it back up)

Snowmobile (tipped over when a different staff kid was driving; helped push it back up) 

I love it here way above the Arctic Circle. I loved driving an ice buggy, though it wasn't exacty a nature experience. I floored it & hit the piled up snow & ice along the sides a bunch but it's kind of like bumper cars - I immediately got pushed back onto the track. I like the others on this trip a lot. This is shorthand again because it's late. Somehow the day flies by. 

Now that I'm up north in Lapland I can say: Of all the wonderful experiences I have had, this is high on the list of one I would have regretted not doing. 

First & foremost, plenty of snow. Then the thrilling sweep of the aurora borealis. Driving a dog sled (which is a lot of work - you're standing on the brake a LOT), Snowshoeing. The very nice folks in our group, including Esther from Holland who had trained as a seafarer, which was so charming that I had no intention of telling her the word was sailor. 

More to say but it's time for the lecture in the Brown Bear Lounge. 

To have another language is to possess a second soul. 

~ Charlemagne

That second language is not going to be Finnish. Hello from Helsinki, where I can get by in Swedish as far as reading menus, as Swedish is a second tongue here, but Finnish has so far not a single word that relates to any that I know. I knew that about Finnish, that it's related only to Hungarian, but now that I'm listening to people speaking, it is more strange than I expected. It does have a Scandinavian lilt. I've learned a couple words so I can be polite, but jet lag has eaten them up, I suspect.

Greetings from Schipol Airport in Amsterdam, where we have a layover before our flight to Helsinki. I must have slept on the plane because I feel pretty normal right now. Can't wait to see the snow. And a whole new city & country. 

Besides going around the table saying our gratitudes, we went around & said someone we would add if we could: Samuel Pepys, my dad, Jane Austen, Janis Joplin, & my Auntie May. I was, as you can see, a little more local than my friends. It sparked lots of conversation & led to lots of stories about the Pound in its earlier, wild days. 

Tomorrow Maggie & I head off to Finland & Swedish Lapland. I am looking forward to pulling a lot of cold oxygen into my winter-starved lungs. 

Will blog as I can. 

What is Thanksgiving all about (besides gratitude & pie) but tradition? So herewith the poem I have posted most Thanksgivings for a few years. I skipped a year or two because the friend who sent me the email it's based on became a Holocaust denier & we are, needless to say, no longer in touch. 

Thanksgiving Almost Found Poem

Many years we go to my grandmother's in Virginia. 
My mother, father, aunts and at least two of my brothers are there. 
My son has a football game that morning. 
My daughter is home, but needs to get back to school this weekend. 
My wife doesn't want to ride for nine hours and turn right back. 
Sometimes I have gone alone, but not often. 
A couple of neighbors were vying for our company.
One of those my daughter's boyfriend's family, 
Which we did last year and had fun.
But this year it will be another family,
One we have visited on two or three other Thanksgivings. 
I have a turkey freezing in the garage.

Nothing to do with it.

Headed off to Finland & Sweden shortly. The basis of the trip, under the auspices of the Cloud Appreciation Society, is to the Northern Lights, but I mostly am going for the snow. The sun goes down 3 & a half hours after it comes up. That will be a new experience, the endless twilight of a far-north winter. I will blog as I can while I'm there.... 

My friend A— & I wrote a movie. 

We want Ethan Hawke to produce it / act in it. 

How do we get it to him? 

It's awkward to go to someone when you want to ask a favor. 

Anyway, the only person I know well enough to ask (so far) said he's far from the film industry these days. 

And then I thought, maybe we know a friend of his. And I found this post on celebrity encounters.

Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple.
~ Woody Guthrie

Remember S & H Green Stamps? For those who weren't around at their height — during the 1960s, the company issued more stamps than the U.S. Postal Service and distributed 35 million catalogs a year — they were a loyalty rewards program. A grocery store or gas station, for example, bought them to give away to customers, who pasted them in books that could be redeemed for appliances and furniture. My friend & I both remembered our mothers collecting them but not redeeming them. There was a dedicated drawer in the kitchen for Green Stamps. I vaguely remember the store was on Minnesota Avenue so maybe my mom did turn them in. The program was founded in 1896 by Sperry & Hutchinson and petered out by the end of the 1980s, though it was sold/renamed & only entirely died as late as 2020. 

Green Stamps! 

I have drifted along in a cloud of unknowing but suddenly I tripped over the American "health" "care" "system" & it is as bad as everyone says. Even the people who work for the insurance companies can't manage to say anything positive about their bosses. Apparently, my only choice is for nothing to go wrong till I die in my sleep at age 97 like all the women in my family. 

A Norwegian friend pointed out that her friends decide to have babies based on their relationships & so on. Whether or not they can afford it isn't a consideration. 

It's so much worse than I thought, and it certainly isn't going to improve in the next 4 years, is it.

A man on 5th street hula-hooping in the dark... running into people I know... the honey cake at Veselka (a worthy substitute for their much-lamented banana cream pie)... the library... having heat & hot water (well, usually - it's been out for almost a week grrr)... books ... finding books on the street that you suddenly realize you have always needed desperately... rain after (during?) a drought... neighbors sticking together, bitching together... ordering euros & having them arrive at the bank the next day, shipped from Miami at no cost to me... my stretch class teacher... that every single day I see something amazing, beautiful, kind &/or inspiring....

Jeg elsker norsktimene mine så mye! Jeg elsker også læreren min, Lianna. Hun er tålmodig og veldig hyggelig.

I love my Norwegian lessons so much! I also love my teacher, Lianna. She is patient and very nice. 

Vi møtes på onsdager, og når vi er ferdige føler jeg meg både spent og utslitt.

We meet on Wednesdays, and when we're done, I feel both excited and exhausted. 

Noe som nok er helt riktig, ikke sant?

Which is probably exactly right, no?

I was letting myself into my building when someone asked how long I'd lived there & said their friend had lived there in the late 70s. When she said he was from Brazil, I said, Apartment 1! And she said what Francis remembered was the big Thanksgiving dinners. They were in my apartment, I was eager to tell her. Rosa is also from Brazil & in touch with Francis, who now lives in Spain. I love that sort of small-world-in-the-big-city story. A friendly encounter that ended with exchanging numbers & a hug. 

The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.
~ William Morris

And a genuine interest in other people's daily lives. It's like Dorothy walking into color in the Emerald City. Life is richer & there's more of it when you're excited about what's going on around you. 

I never before wondered why I knew so many people born in the fall of 1961 ~ at least five friends I can think of without breaking a sweat. I suddenly asked myself why that is. The answer, I'm sure, is JFK. He was elected & inaugurated right when the parents would have been getting pregnant. A new decade, a new young handsome vigorous president. I'm sure that was a factor, whether or not any of the parents would say so consciously. Optimism for the country: Sure, let's have a baby! 

How does my friend the flight attendant go back & forth to Europe, South America, or Africa every week, & I am laid up for 2 days if I go uptown? 

Headed back to NYC in a little while. Steve wrapped plastic bags around my shoes so I could make it through the SC swamp. I think this week of lounging & laughing has reassembled me enough to face the future...

Wayne warned me not to crush the stinkbug. 

Of course I'm not going to crush anything! I love all of god's creatures. Also, I'm afraid of god's creatures. 

The dogs, Ernie & Bert, run, eat, nap, run, eat, sleep. My life here is almost as simple: Read, eat pie, nap, read, marvel at my luck in being here. The first time I visited Steve on this same land, I was 19 & in South Carolina for the first time. I floated on the lake & for a minute felt so happy that I believed if I had drowned right then I wouldn't have minded. I'm glad I didn't & especially glad that I have had the last 50+ years of friendship & getting to visit here. I still feel happy enough here to die, although I still don't want to. I don't seem to have thought of better criteria or maybe it just means this is the place where I don't die but breathe freely, revel, feel surrounded by sky, plants, & most of all love.

Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers.
~ Harry Truman

I don't understand why the short way takes just as long as the long way. Maybe we took the short long way & not the long short way? Forrister was thriving & his dog & I fell in love. She lay on me. But Forrister, lying on you is like lying on the floor, whereas I'm a soft sofa. The mountains are always beautiful even with the fall colors and a lot of trees gone. 

Beyond happy to be in one of the places I love most in the world, with some of the people I love most in the world, who welcome me without reservation (although I do let them know I'm coming because I need to get picked up at the airport). Every minute here makes me feel better about the world. 

I am sitting on the deck absorbing the beauty of the years of mindful gardening. 

I am shaking out the towels for stinkbugs. 

I am breathing. 

When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn't become a king. The palace becomes a circus. ~ Turskish proverb (unverified)

It's bracing to read the many thoughtful comments I've been seeing since Tuesday. It doesn't make it any easier to accept or absorb, but right now feeling none of us is alone in our horror/grief/shock/sorrow/fury is helpful. 

And in a few minutes I'm off for a week of R&R. I may not post regularly but if I do it'll be some stunning natural beauty. 

Sexism... racism... mis/disinformation... Putin... Musk... the failure of imagination that people could prefer a senile rapist to anybody. I know there'll be a ton of Monday morning quarterbacking & I'll eventually read some of it. My heart aches for the generation of my grandchildren. 

Didn't sleep, no more to say & tomorrow I'm off for a week's R&R in the Carolinas. May miss a day here & there. 

Anything encouraging to remind me? 

Everyone is so nervous that my plan to sleep until tomorrow night is not going to work. 

No predictions, no despair. 

At the worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived.
~ Rose Macaulay

My motto!

I did it. I fell in love again. They're siblings, & cute as kittens when they cock their heads at the same angle. They look at me. They are interested. They can almost fly so I suppose I'll lose them again, but maybe they won't be murdered like the last pigeons I loved. No surprise that I ran out to vote on Thursday when the special one-day-only voter sticker was a pigeon trick-or-treating.